Some days in a person’s life are forever marked in memory as significant, notable, and major and whether they be good or bad, they will never be forgotten. One such day for me and my hubby was just recently; we found out last Wednesday, December 30th, 2009, that we are pregnant with our first baby! We are undeniably giddy with excitement of this joyous news and with anticipation for our tiny bundle to arrive in September.
It is quite remarkable how the best, most happy times in my life are sometimes equally the saddest in light of my dad’s death. The exuberant joy I felt telling my husband, my mom, my brother, and the rest of our family and friends was and still is absolutely wonderful, but in the back of my mind I can’t help dreaming about how I would tell my dad and his reaction to the happy news. It’s a nagging reality in my head that I cannot change, a pain that I cannot really alleviate. And that I hate.
But I want to look at this from a different perspective. I’m going to enjoy this year and focus on all the precious things I have to be thankful for, like a beautiful new life to nurture.
There is something unexplainable about the certainty of death and the miracle of life. And I believe that while I’m nowhere near completely healed after my dad’s death, I can already see that God is going to use this new life inside of me as an instrument to catalyze that healing. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I’m thinking about the depth of pain with death and the depth of joy with life…many things can be fabricated to appear genuine, but some things cannot. And painful or joyful, I want my life to be a picture of authenticity.