Unbelievably, today marks the 2 year anniversary of my dad’s death. That day I wondered how in the world our lives would change in light of all we experienced that week, and I continue to wonder the same thing as life never ceases to be a continuum of constant change; I often think about how it would be if he was still here.
Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with thoughts of our baby we will soon meet, and I can’t help but think about how precious it would be to see my dad hold my baby. He absolutely loved babies and had an amazing way of calming them down when they were fussy. He would make the funniest sounds to distract them from whatever it was they were upset about and he could almost effortlessly get them to sleep by humming and holding his lips close to their little heads.
I know I’ve mentioned it in blog posts before, but my kids will know the kind of Grandpa my dad would have been to them, just like I knew what kind of Grandpa my dad’s dad would have been to me if he had been alive. They will know what a good cook he was, how he gave the best advice, what a good story-teller he was, how he became a completely changed man (especially the last couple years of his life) and what a hard worker he was.
It’s strange to think that my kids will be in the same place as I was growing up; I saw my dad cry countless times thinking and talking about his dad and I never totally understood his pain. Obviously now I do, and I realize that this kind of pain never goes away. It may change as time goes on, but I will miss him deeply until the day I die.
However, I will also always dream of the day I see him again. What a beautiful day that will be.